Written by Danny Buckle
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Topics: Trains

Monday, 16 March 2009

image for Train Nerds indentified as terror threat

Train spotters are to be banned from all major stations along the East Coast route as the result of a clampdown from National Express. A spokeswoman for the Transport Salaried Staff Association said "We know NX are planning this move. The information was leaked to us from a source inside Hell Hall" so I went to investigate.

Full Moon

It was full moon as I approached Dastardly Dick Fowker's Castle Fortress. I rang the door bell which disturbed the bats roosting in the belfry. The door opened and I was immediately set upon by Dick's Rottweiler's. After a savaging I heard a voice say "Ah Mr Buckle, we meet again" I wiped the blood from by eyes and noticed the sinister figure of Dastardly Dick stroking his Siamese cat. Still dressed in his Dalmatian fur overcoat he ushered me in with a cattle prod and 40,000 volts.

Torture

After I came to, I realised I was in a dungeon and about to witness Dastardly Dick torturing the union leader Gerry Doherty. To my horror I realised that he was getting a great deal of pleasure out of this act of sadism and so was Dick. "Do you see Buckle" Dick shrieked "These train nerds are getting away with being on NX property for next to nothing. The shareholders wont stand for it" He continued his rant "There's blood to be squeezed from these people and I want every drop".

Vultures

There was a great deal of crowing and flapping of wings from the shareholders who had metamorphosis into their natural form of Kalahari Vultures. They were flanked by burning torches whilst perching themselves on the bones of the long dead corpse of GNER. "Come my pets" said Dick as he stroked there balding fat heads "Under what guise shall we launch this assault on the idiotic tax payer?" Then with all the fervour of a demented mad man he announced "By Richard Branson I have it! We'll say it's a security threat" cackling to himself he went on "Yes that old chestnut will do, we'll even get the backing of BT police".

Whilst he flailed Doherty again I made good my escape back to Spoof Central just in time to bring you this exclusive. I do hope you appreciate the lengths I go to readers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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