The Government has announced that ferry travel to Europe is to be subject to a minimum charge of £250, in order to prevent binge-drinking and promote public health.
The change was announced this morning by Business Secretary Dark Lord Mandelson, as an addition to the recent announcement by Health Secretary Liam Mengele that alcohol is to be taxed at a minimum level of £0.50 per unit.
Speaking from his secret underground lair, the Dark Lord said, "since the announcement by the Health Secretary, our communications surveillance has picked up a lot of traffic with people talking about taking 'booze cruises' to take advantage of cheaper alcohol prices in Europe. Clearly, this is unsatisfactory. The Government puts legislation in place, and it's the Proles' responsibility to blindly and unthinkingly follow those rules, not find ways to circumvent our tax-gathering".
He added, "therefore, if people will not submit willingly to The Will of Gordon, we are left with no option but to enforce that Will. Therefore, in order to protect young people from the hazards of binge-drinking and to protect our tax revenues, it is right that we tax ferry crossings".
The new costs, which are to be applied with immediate effect, are to be backed up by the Government's planned Travel Database system. Anyone taking ferry crossings more often than a Government-agreed maximum will be forced to justify their travels, and may be subject to home searches to ensure that their alcohol stocks match their purchasing record within the UK.
Prime Mentalist Gordoom McBroon was unavailable for comment on the new laws, as he was pissed out of his skull on cheap, subsidised Scotch in the Parliamentary Bar.