Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Stephen Hawking

Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for Stephen Hawking To Hold Audition For New Voice
An excited Mr Hawking

Stephen Hawking is to hold auditions to find a new voice. After years with his current voice it is thought that the physicist has become bored and now plans to change his voice every 18 months.

He has made fewer breakthroughs in recent years so he is having to repeat the same lectures again and again. By delivering the lectures in a new voice Hawking hopes to breathe new life into them.

It is thought that Hawking wants a complete change from the robotic-like speech pattern he currently uses. He would prefer a voice with a bit more feeling to it. It has been revealed that he only chose his current voice because it was either that voice or one similar to Roy Hattersley.

Already a short list has been drawn up. Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, Joe Pasquale, Steven Berkoff and Wayne Rooney are believed to be on it.

Ultimately the choice will rest with Hawking. He will then have to record everyday conversational pieces with his new voice. The scientist is said to be very excited and hopes to choose a good singing voice as he is yet to win the karaoke at his local despite participating every Thursday for the last 25 years.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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