Written by The Garlic Press
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Saturday, 14 March 2009

image for Ben and Jerry on Cherry's Cherry: "We're Straight"
Cherry, who "resembles a bleedin' emu more than a duck," according to Jerry.

NEW YORK CITY, NY - "This just goes to show how quick people are to judge," quacks Jerry, a blue duck from "the other side of the pond." He claims he and his friend Ben have been falsely labeled gay by so-called duck experts and by the media.

The pair recently found themselves at the center of a scandal because, together with a female blue duck named Cherry, they are the last known ducks of their species in England.

Attempts were made earlier this week to introduce Cherry to the pair as a last ditch effort to repopulate the threatened species. She says she was happy to oblige. "I thought Jerry was, you know, certainly cute enough for a bit o' the ol' in-out. So I went for it."

In response to the advances of Cherry, he honked, "Not if you were the last blue duck in England!" Then, he reportedly went to hang out with his pal Ben. Rumors immediately began to circulate that Ben and Jerry might be homosexuals.

"Quack, quack, quack!" says Jerry. "See here, mate. I'm no limp-winged duck. Get a gander at 'er, did you? She's wretched!" Though he expressed regret that the blue duck species might now become extinct, he says he just cannot force himself into a relationship with someone who "resembles a bleedin' emu more than a duck."

"But she's got a lot o' personality!" Ben piped up for a moment. Then, they both honked a good deal at his wise quack, play-jousting with their bills, giving their bottoms a good shake and splashing water at each other with their wings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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