Los Angeles, California - President Barrack Obama announced today that he has finally found a Protocol Officer that passed muster, announcing the appointment of Martha Stewart to the post that has been embarrassingly lacking in the administration.
In her first official act, Ms. Stewart, in concert with Obama, graciously reciprocated the Knighthood offered to Democratic Icon Ted Kennedy, with a matching grant to UK Telly Icon Jade Goody.
Ms Goody was honored at a Los Angeles Laker Basketball game, with a Jade Goody night, Jade Goody Bobble Head dolls were distributed to the first 5,000 fans, her Jersey was retired, and season's tickets were offered to her estate in perpetuity. Ms. Stewart also presented an 8 tier birthday cake with no candles, decorated by Frosting Expert, Madam Bitters.
Obama, who doesn't really know who Ms. Goody is, along with the rest of the American Taxpayers, said it didn't really matter, it was the gesture that counted. Like the tomb to the unknown soldier.
Obama likened the honour granted to Senator Kennedy by PM Brown in the same light.
"Nobody in the UK really knows Ted like I do after serving 143 days in the Senate with him before becoming President by Acclimation. But real Brits know his old man served as Ambassador to England where he secured the distribution rights to some really good Scotch Whiskey for himself, and also worked behind the scenes to improve the blood lines of Corgis in the UK.
Michelle Obama added 25 Mel Torme CD's to the President's selfless gift, and wished Ms. Goody well in the future.
Guardian Editorial Writer, Skoob1999 commented: "Just like a bloody Yank, don't know what the fuck they're talking about, but willing to pander for points!"
Scoring update to follow as the points come in.