Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Kerry Katona

Friday, 13 March 2009

image for Kerry Katonic:"Why I'm Getting Divorced"
Katonic

Kerry Katonic, former member of Atomic Shitten, TV 'star' and frequent visitor to Iceland supermarkets has told reporters why she is getting divorced. "Jade Goody has stolen all the limelight. I need to get back into the news somehow. I sat down with Clax Mifford, the publicist, and he suggested a divorce. I'm glad he didn't suggest something like dying, because I think that's just a little bit too extreme to be honest."

Katonic plans to sell her divorce story to as many hacks as she can find in a bid to make some cash. She secretly longs to be able to shop in Waitrose. All that frozen food from Iceland has made her look like a right fat cow.

Media experts think that this whole stunt is just a shallow attempt to get back into the spotlight. They expect Katonic to even stoop so low as to make a reality television series for a channel that nobody will watch. It may well be called "Where The Fuck Is My Pizza?"

Katonic refutes these claims of media manipulation and money grabbing. We would print what she said but she wanted too much money and an 'exclusive' contract. So up yours you fat ugly bitch.

Oh, and enjoy mother's day in Iceland.

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