Written by matwil
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Friday, 13 March 2009

image for Thousands attend Hypocrisy's funeral in Northern Ireland
Mindin Meguiness's funeral lunch

Today in County Antrim, thousands attended the funeral of Hypocrisy. It was also the first time that members of the Provisional IRA's political wing Provisional Sinn Fein have attended such a funeral.

Hypocrisy was shot dead yesterday by dissident Republican gunmen, members of the Unreal Noconnectionwiththeprovisionalshonest IRA, and pausing briefly to bite into a red onion, PSF president Gerrard Stevens said: 'We deeply regret Hypocrisy's death, it only seems like yesterday that Hypocrisy was with us all here in Ulster.' And taking out a bunch of spring onions, he continued: 'Hypocrisy will be sorely missed - shame he wasn't by our sniper! Sorry, only joking, over to youse, Mindin.'

And vice-co-deputy-under-president of PSF Mindin Meguiness said: 'Thanks, Gerrard. We call for all Nationalists in Ireland to join together, and bring out their pet crocodiles onto the streets for the world to see. And make sure the crocs get a bit of white and orange paint on them, bhoys, or ye'll know what'll happen!'

The Province of Northern Ireland is no stranger to mass funerals, and only last year Unionism was laid to rest in Londonderry, a funeral attended by many of the British government. And decades earlier Irish Republicanism received a state burial in Dublin, although Irish Americans and Sinn Fein supporters refused to go to that service, though millions of genuine Irish people did.

But former Loyalist paramilitary Billy Nose had this to say at Hypocrisy's funeral: 'Although we're pleased to see Sinn Fein at Hypocrisy's burial, Hypocrisy was one of our own.'

'We nurtured Hypocrisy year after year, we saw Hypocrisy grow into a money-making success, we saved Hypocrisy from a certain death under Mrs Thatcher's government, and Hypocrisy was our best friend. This is a sad, sad day for the Loyalist community, I never thought we'd see the likes of Mindin Meguiness at such an event.'

The United Kingdom is 406 this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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