London - (Max Cliff-Hanger Mess): The first of the UK's annual bank holidays is to be renamed 'Jade Goody Friday' according to an announcement from the Department of Vultures, Mediocrity & Spots.
The Easter move hopes to secularise an otherwise god-awful public holiday by commemorating the repentant Celebrity Big Racist contestant "just as long as she doesn't screw up by popping her clogs on April Fools Day."
In return Goody has vowed to reincarnate as Prince William's firstborn daughter and to eventually marry Shilpa Shetty's eldest, as yet unborn, son.
The pact would mean the end of the Royal House of Windsor's stranglehold of Aryan white-skinned nutters on the throne.
Only one small hurdle stands in the way of the Max Clifford-brokered master plan.
Prince William's sperm count.