London - (Wrinkly Old Ass mess): Cherie Blair ordered Sunday's Massereene barracks outrage after the Blairs' British Virgin Islands secret bank accounts were probed by Northern Crock Bank police investigators.
The sordid daughter of Margaret Thatcher and Robert Maxwell RIP is said to be planning a new spectacular on the UK mainland - 'possibly blitzing to smithereens the Cheltenham Gold Cup' - according to MI5 sources.
The Prestbury Park festival is an easy choice given the scores of thousands of drink-sodden Irish punters 'who could easily be mistaken for the Real IRA'.
Cherie and her monstrous spouse have refused to return some £20 million in stolen funds following the car boot sale of their previous Islington home in Richmond Avenue.
Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency cops have given the couple until this Wednesday to hand over the dosh or face the consequences at Traitors' Gate.
Euan Blair is converting to Scientology.