A German wiener-loving Dachshund has won Crufts, after winning medals in the categories of cuteness, obedience, racial purity and genocide.
The Dachshund, called Adolf, is owned by a German couple called Mr and Mrs Bimmler, and has been accused in the past of taking steroids. The Bimmlers insist that Adolf has never taken any drugs and is simply "an example of the superiority of the pure Dachshund race".
Judges apparently agree, and have complimented the Bimmlers on breeding a dog engineered for maximum enjoyment. The dog is incapable of barking (which can be so annoying), and has no anus so it doesn't defecate everywhere like most dogs.
The Bimmlers continued: "We believe we have created the perfect dog. As a result we have exterminated all inferior dogs in our kennels and replaced them with clones of this one. This is the perfect dog. It shall reign for a thousand years!"