Reports coming out of the town of Basingstoke, Hampshire, UK tonight are not encouraging, as it would appear that the town has suffered an invasion of topless Amazonian alien women from the planet Venus, according to Derek Peabody, Basingstoke Director of SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence)
Sitting on a bench outside Basingstoke station, looking shaken and unsteady Peabody told us in a slurred speech kind of way:
"I couldn't believe what I was seeing," he told this reporter. "I'd just come out of the pub for a breath of fresh air as I was feeling a bit nauseous. And dizzy too. I could barely walk in a straight line.
"Then I realised that I must have been zapped by an alien death ray or something."
"What did they look like, these, 'aliens'?" we asked him, somewhat cynically we have to admit.
"Topless women," he informed us with a waving finger. "Beautiful, glamorous, statuesque topless women, with large yet perfectly contoured breasts. Uncovered. And they were wearing really short frilly skirts, thigh length stiletto heeled leather boots. And nothing else. Apart from whips. They had whips too."
"Really?" we challenged, in an attempt to get Peabody to expand on his outrageous statement.
"Straight up mate," he responded, his head bobbing and weaving like Muhammad Ali in his prime, on the ropes. "They were grabbing blokes and dragging 'em down alleys and into multi-storey car parks for frenzied sex and stuff. There was loads of 'em. There was sparks and lots of white smoke everywhere, and loads of shagged out geezers heading for the taxi rank.
"Lovely big breasts they had. Lovely. Big, but well rounded, perfectly formed. They were alien women. Probably from Venus. Ah, shit, the wife'll go effin mental when I get home..."
At which point, we made our excuses and left.
More as we get it.
"Oh," Peabody yelled at our retreating backs. "Some of 'em were dressed up as nuns too. Like that movie I watched the other night on the Naughty Channel..."
Needless to say, we steadfastly ignored him.