In a multi-billion pound effort to reduce unemployment and put an end to road rage, the UK Government has decided to implement changes on British roads.
"After a six year study," said Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, "we have determined the major causes of road rage, and intend to employ several hundred thousand unemployed people to implement the necessary changes."
The first of the changes to go through will be that the colour red will be removed from traffic lights, and replaced with purple.
"Red has long been associated with anger," said Smith. "Seeing red encourages people to be angry, whereas purple is a neutral colour. This will instantly induce calm on people forced to wait at the temporary traffic lights put in place whilst the real traffic lights are replaced. People won't mind the delays as much."
The second road calming measure is to scrap all marked spaces in supermarkets and municipal car parks.
"After traffic lights, the second most likely place for a road rage is in a car park when some numpty steals the spot you've been waiting for for the past twenty minutes."
These measures may cause some confusion at first, and may cause some accidents, but the government will be accompanying the changes with a massive multimedia publci information campaign, generating further employment.
"Everyone's a winner," said Smith. "Well, maybe not a winner, but there are no losers here at least."