More problems arose today for the nation's beleaguered banks when it was revealed that all of their Automated-Teller Machines are not actually sorry that you have insufficient funds. The shocking revelation was outlined in a report released by the FSA, the independent financial regulatory body.
FSA chief Hector Sants told reporters that this was another instance of banks "deceitful and underhanded attitude in relation to their customers". Sants went on, "it's a fact that that ATM machine that expressed sorrow for your poor financial state this morning actually couldn't give a toss that you haven't a bean to your name. Banks are responsible for some outrageous lies being directed at innocent, rag-wearing peasants".
Chancellor Alastair Darling has indicated that a government investigation will begin immediately, and should report its findings by 2015.