Written by kamiza
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Monday, 2 March 2009

image for Schools face discipline ban
"Just who do you think you are? Call me sir, miss!"

Bloomberg,Reuters & others (yawn) - Schools across England & Wales face a blanket ban on pupil disciplne according to a new report released today. As a result of pressure on the government from inspectors. Teachers were described as 'too in your face' for todays laid back pupils and old style discipline was 'too primitive' and restrictive for most.

Teacher

Youngsters complained that teachers made them do things that they didn't want to do, and shout at them for 'mucking about' which is an abuse of their human rights. Some children were actually punished for breaking school rules.

Leave

A spokesman for the minister of education said "We need reforms for todays schools and we believe we have some good ideas. Pupils will be able to turn up when they feel ready and learn at their own pace. Teachers will be accountable for any failures and will be routinely executed to make way for newly qualified teachers. Teachers will have to address pupils as 'sir' under the new scheme.

Them

The leader of the NASNUTTAS teaching union said that his members will be balloted for strike action. Stating in a press interview "I'll be fucked if I'm calling those little twats 'sir', they can fuck right off!"

Kids

Children around the country are pleased with the reports recommendations, but are cautious of doing anything just in case they 'get bollocked'.

Alone

No teachers were unable to comment on the report due to their ever increasing workload, planning lessons, marking books, having meetings etc etc

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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