Written by Aspartame Boy
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Monday, 2 March 2009

image for Scotts scratch scotch
Sots sop scotch scantily

GLASGOW, Scotland - Scottish sots held a drive-a-thong to cut sots alcohol abuse. Drinking, scantily-clad, driving ministers screamed that action was needed to reform the Scottish drinking culture, as they careened by, honking, belching and weaving.

The sots want to jack the price up. They want to cut out the number of drunken sots on the road, to make it safe for the drunken sots that are on the road now. Top sots.

Alcohol-fueled funny cars were used in the drunken drive-a-thong in an attempt to make the point with violence.

One drunken sot was driving a tank.

But it is thought most sots will not back plans to raise the age for buying drink from off-licenses from 18 to 21.

The Torry sots said the pricing plans were "horribly flawed", while Labour sots warned against hiding the bottle.

The Holyrood administration had all the Scotch locked up and were threatening to pour it down the sink.

Alcoholic sots cost £2.25bn every year in screwed up work and costs of repairing fart-damaged ventilation systems. The top sots say it is time to act-out.

Linda Willingto, comfort sot, said she would be glad to supply Scotch to whatever sot had the money. She had a funny looking salute for the Holyrood clan.

Excuse me, my reliable source just passed out, saying "it's snot sottish.."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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