Written by Peter Higgins
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Topics: Sales, Retail

Wednesday, 23 June 2004

Robert Bolton, an IT sales executive, credit control assistant or retail analyst from somewhere like Chester or Chesterfield announced today that he doesn't hate football, he likes it, actually.
"I'm a big fan of Beckham, obviously, and that Wayne Rooney seems very talented as well." Bolton, who never watches football on television and never reads the sports section of newspapers and has no interest whatsoever in football was seen earlier today attaching an England flag to his Seat Ibiza and whistling that tune from the opera that was used for a world cup on the BBC a few years ago.
Bolton's neighbour, Steve Pennyman, asked Bolton which team he supported:
"England, obviously" replied Bolton, laughing.
"No, which local team do you support?"
Bolton paused, whitening visibly, and then muttered, "Errrr... Arsenal?"
Sources close to Bolton report that he was seen recently in a pub showing England's match against someone or other, yelling over-excitedly whenever England had possession, shouting abuse at the screen whenever they lost possession, and generally making the other football fans very uncomfortable and awkward.
Analysts predict Bolton's interest in football will subside at almost exactly the same time as England are knocked out of Euro 2004, and will revive again in time for the next International tournament.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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