Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Cherie Blair, Banana

Sunday, 1 March 2009

image for Cherie Blair to learn to smile - with the aid of a banana
Common household banana has many uses. Mrs Blair's face is one.

The wife of the former Prime Minister, Cherie Blair, has checked into a clinic in London for treatment for her inability to smile. Mrs Blair, whose husband wrongly invaded lots of countries, suffers from the medical condition Smilitis Cannotis, where the sufferer is physically unable to pull their mouth into a friendly shape but instead either grimaces or scowls.

The human rights barrister will be seen by one of Harley Street's top consultants, Mr. Tristan Effing Rich, who told our reporter that he plans to insert a banana into her mouth as an aid to treatment, owing to its natural curved shape. "The banana, if inserted the right way up, will force her mouth into a smile. When she feels sad, she can turn the banana round. And when she feels really hungry, she can eat the banana."

The unfortunate side effect of the treatment will be that Mrs Blair's mouth will turn yellow, but publicist Max Clifford said that this could be explained away as jaundice. "Also, she never goes anywhere without her beautician. Perhaps that person can find a cream that will give the banana a pinkish, skin-coloured hue."

Mrs Blair is well known for her scary grimace. When her husband famously re-opened a children's hospital in Iraq 3 years ago, which British soldiers had previously blown up on suspicion that one of the patients was the grandson of a former terrorist, the sight of Mrs Blair caused several children to run away in fear. Mrs Blair plans to re-visit the hospital this year, though it is not clear what Iraq children will make of her new banana face.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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