Manchester, England - Greater Manchester Police today had to appeal to neighbouring police and law enforcement agencies for assistance as thousands of Mancunians spontaneously collapsed in fits of laughter following arch rivals Liverpool being trashed by relegation threatened Middlesbrough.
Even City fans were caught up in the outbreak following Colin Schindler's List statement that Man United ruined his life.
"It was terrible," PC Ronnie Ronette told us. "Even worse than when the rags won the treble. There were United fans coming over all hysterical and incapable all over town. They could barely contain themselves. I've not seen anything Like it since Celtic played here. They were without doubt all sober and hysterical."
Rags fan Pete The Streak stated:
"That's all we've heard off them work-shy Mickeys since Istanbul. We won it five times, we won it five times. The difference being that we won our gongs with honour. Fuck all you scousers coz Manchester rules."
This reporter then withdrew for his own safety.
More when we stop taking the absolute piss out of those oh so witty scousers.