British soldier Ganja O'Leary was today awarded the army's highest award, the Victoria Cross, for having an unusual skin colour under enemy fire. 'While all me mates was also under fire', the hero said, 'and across the Middle East thousands of British soldiers were fighting and dying, as they were professionally trained to do, my unusual skin colour made me a special hero. And got me the VC, man, I'm the only person to get the VC while still being alive.'
And speaking from Rorke's Drift in South Africa, where 17 dead British soldiers received VCs for an almost suicidal defence against Zulu warriors, Lt Sergeant Michael Caine said: 'I admire Ganja O'Leary immensely. If he'd been at Rorke's Drift then he'd have sorted out them Zulus, by not dying courageousely and acting like a Red Cross worker, that's what VCs are all about. Mon.'
Many have wondered why the British Army haven't already awarded VCs for soldiers with unusual skin colours, but Vice-General of Staffing Sir Alexander Haigison said: 'Milk, Americans, race, money. I mean, who won 2 World Wars anyway? It wasn't America, but thanks for the nukes anyway. Which we invented.'
Gerry Adams will be up for a VC soon, for pub bombing civilians while talking in a ridiculous accent.