Written by JamesTheMan
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Topics: London, british

Tuesday, 22 June 2004

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Badger Migrants

LONDON(AP) -- MPs in the British House of Commons have passed a controversial measure aimed at 'halting the tide of economic badgers'. The controversial 'Badger Migration/Security Hedge Bill' was voted in by a large majority of Labor MPs and passes into law on December 24th 2004, despite back-bench opposition.

'The bill is aimed at halting the tides of badgers from neighboring fields and includes important anti-terrorism measures. Measures that will help fight Al-Qa'ida', the Home Secretary David Blunkett MP commented in a newspaper article for The Daily Mail (London).

The Home Office issued a statement on page 3 of London based tabloid The Sun. The statement was headlined 'Send them all back to their own field: Badger Migration/Security Hedge Bill'. The proposed measures were bullet pointed and included 'badger biometrics' and 'using the police to prevent badgers from hunting for insects'.

Some questioned the content of the statement, 'It's just playing up to prejudice, I mean calling badgers field-scroungers and locking up their children --- what kind of person would want to do that to a badger?' said Liberal Democrat London spokesperson Simon Hughes MP.

'The badgers will get no favors from us!' said Michael Howard, Conservative Leader, 'I favor detention centers, minimizing their ability to feed, no fancy bugs on the menu for them! The Conservative Party is all for legitimate migration, those that have had their homes destroyed or have been driven out by yokel foxes, but those that choose to live in another field are a drain on the state. They don't want to forage'.

At his weekly press-conference Prime minister Tony Blair outlined his views on the issue 'Those badgers will get no favors from us! I favor accommodation centers, reducing their ability to feed, no delicacies of the insect world on the menu for them! The Labor Party is all for legitimate migration, those that have had their homes turned to rubble or have been forced out by racist squirrels, but those that choose to live in another field are a drain on the system. Foraging is not what they want to do'.

During an interview with the London based tabloid The Sun, British National Party party leader Nick Griffin commented 'Badgers should get no favors from us! I favor prisons, removing their ability to feed, no insects! The BNP hate migration, especially those that have had their homes turned to rubble or have been forced out by racist kittens, those that choose to live in another field aren't worthy of life. They're scum'.

Charles Kennedy MP, Liberal Democrat Leader, spoke to AP on the telephone from the House of Commons members bar; 'It's all a load of rubbish. All of it. I mean, what's the problem with badgers moving from field to field? All of this badger bashing is hysteria, pure and simple, whipped up by badgerist tabloids and hungry politicians who know nothing about badgers. Other than the deputy Prime Minister, but that's only because he likes to run them over.'

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