Next week the Government is to announce a new National Holiday in Britain called 'BE KIND TO A BANKER DAY'. The aim of the holiday is to dispel the animosity between the the public and the financial sector.
When asked about this radical proposal the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown said, "Quite honestly, the Bankers are getting really pissed off with the public who just never seem to see things from the bankers point of view. It's disgusting and it's getting quite radical, even the hoodies now prefer mugging bankers to old ladies. Some of the public are even suggesting we should take legal action - this is clearly not ethical, some of these bankers have suffered a real loss of confidence and prison cells at a time like this would be extremely detrimental to their mental state, which is already very fragile. We need to show the public what jolly nice chaps these people really are and the public need to exercise some generosity of spirit"
A spoke woman from the BBBA (Bewildered British Bankers Association) said she welcomed this new initiative. "Bankers need the support of the public at the moment. Many of them have lost their jobs and many more have lost their bonuses. It's all very well losing your job in Woollies and your semi in Basildon but imagine how you'd feel if you had to lose £60,000 a month and a penthouse. Many of the bankers are truly shattered and it's about time the public realised that Bankers are only human."
But a speaker on behalf of the senior executives of the major banks said, "That's a ridiculous statement. Who says we're only human?"
The Government has planned several hundred street parties across the Country to celebrate the holiday. The plan is that every local community will invite their local bankers to the party's where they can mingle with the public, drink cheap cider, eat tofu dogs and watch Morris Dancers. Jacqui Smith has said this is a bit of a nightmare in terms of surveillance but she feels the police are up to the job and she has asked the Chinese Government to lend her a few hundred thousand extra CCTV camera's for the occasion. However, there is still some doubt as to which street party Jacqui will be attending - the one at her real home or the one at her other real home?
Mr Brown has said he feels this will enhance a new spirit of understanding and healing between the two factions. But we understand several very senior bankers will boycott the occasion. One young Superduperbanker previously with HBOS said "we drew a line in the sand with regards to the public a long time ago. To be honest, in today's financial climate, the public has nothing left to give us and their attitude is frankly disappointing. The lack of respect they show us is criminal and the fact they've got absolutely no money left means we have no further interest in collaborating with them. I'd be happier staying at home watching Rambo, eating Mars Bars and playing with my hamsters."
We understand a well known PR firm has been employed by the Government to 'oil the wheels' of this reunion and persuade the bankers to collaborate. One suggestion has been to set up a VIP tent at each party where the bankers can get champagne and canapés as opposed to the public cider and tofu dogs. Mr Dick Head of Super Ego PR Ltd. said, "after all, this is all about making the bankers feel comfortable and reintegrating them into society. It won't be easy, I just don't think the tofu will cut the mustard."