Written by Earl Grey
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Monday, 23 February 2009

image for Hitler: "Don't Bomb Blackpool!"
"Ok that's 250,000 candyfloss, 300,000 hot dogs and pot of winkles for Goering

It has finally been revealed that Hitler really was completely bonkers. Secret papers have uncovered that the nutty Nazi wanted to bomb all of Britain except Blackpool. He regarded the resort as the perfect place to establish the new Reich, and also he wanted to ride a donkey whilst wearing a Kiss Me Quick hat.

It is now believed that Rudolf Hess was sent to Britain to negotiate the annexation of Blackpool to Germany. However Hess had a lucky escape and was moved to Spandau.

Winston Churchill is believed to have been considering the idea, but Clement Attlee talked him round. He saw that part conferences were a thing of the future.

The news has come as something of a surprise to locals. Billy Biggles, proprietor of the Seaview guesthouse (£50 a night B&B, plus a fully licensed bar and Karaoke) said "We don't get many Germans here. And we would never be able to cater for a block booking of invasion proportions.

If the plan had gone ahead we really would have fought them on the beaches.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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