Written by Earl Grey
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Monday, 23 February 2009

image for Cowell: "I want to be Frozen"
A future television star earlier today

Music mogul and all round pain in the bum Simon Cowell caused a stampede today when he announced that he wished to be frozen and brought back to life at a later date.

Many members of the public lay siege to the television studios where the X(tremely crap) factor is filmed. Some were armed with large chunks of ice.

Ron Biggles, of Hemel Hempstead, travelled all the way with a large freezer unit in the back of his van. "He's going to be a bugger to fit in, but if I squeeze him up enough I will be able to get the lid down" he said.

Scientists were quick to pour scorn on Cowell's plans. Professor Josef Mengle of the South Hampshire Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T.) said "Unfortunately you can only reanimate a living organism."

Television chiefs are looking at freezing other stars as a means to saving money during the credit crunch. Among those named were Bill Oddie, Tony Robinson, Des O'Connor and Ant and Dec.

In an interesting twist it is thought that Frank Bough may well be unfrozen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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