Pizza companies in the UK have recorded an impressive profit despite the ongoing 'crunch'. The downturn in the economy has meant that people are eating out less and deciding to stay in and chow down on fat covered dough instead.
A noted scientist and xenophobe has stated that if this trend of eating such foods which are high in saturated fat and drinking acidic, sugary drinks continues then we are in serious danger of resembling "unholy bastard children of the Yanks and the Taffs".
When asked whether this was a real concern for the pizza industry, a wealthy Italian spokesman mentioned, between maniacal laughs:
"As long as these chubby fucks can still muster the energy to pick up the phone with their greasy paws, we'll continue to shovel this shit down their fat fucking necks".