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Saturday, 21 February 2009

image for Did Video Games Console kill Jade Goody?
Monkey tests show Jade cancer directly linked to video game

Possible exposure to a video games console may have caused the cancer in Jade Goody, scientists have proved perhaps.

Shocking revelations from the Polytechnico of Juventius di Milano departmento di speculananio reveal the Japanese console popular with British children creates cancer that Big Brother victim Jade will die from if she had been near a Winteno Knii.

Tests prove primates gaffer-taped to a device emitting dangerous radiation waves similar to those in the popular rape-game console are 482% more likely to develop tumours not entirely dissimilar to those killing Jade.

Publicists for the former racist Tabloid victim have refused to confirm if our Jade used a Knii in her beautiful life.

However child protection groups have demanded Jade stop her sons using a Knii.

Prawo Jazdy, spokesperson for the Polish Catholic Children Hope Armada, said: "Wintendo Knii makes children homosexual.

"We are not aware of who this Jade is, but we are weeping blood if she is sharing cancer."

Nintendo have refused to comment if the Knii is the cause of Jade's death or if they are preparing to offer her a multimillion pound deal to gag the mother-of-two about any Knii usage.

Malcolm Beard, Labour MP and chairman of the influential House of Commons sports & social committee, said: "I will take the issue of Knii causing cancer with Gordon Brown directly through an early day motion.

"If the Knii causes cancer, we must address the issue and fully investigate."

A Downing Street spokesperson denied knowing about the danger or a cover-up.

"We are not aware of the report. However, if true the government would take action through an investigation of some sort."

Gerald Hugh-Lovejoy, Conservative prospective parliamentary candidate for Tower Hamlets, said: "Brown is killing Jade.

"You told me there was a danger, and if that was true and the government was aware and they had not acted, then New Labour is creating a new death not only for that person you told me about but also millions of children abusing the Sega Mega Drive."

The Queen twittered: "Japz kill Jade."

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