Written by NODDY
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Topics: Cars, bailout

Friday, 20 February 2009

image for British car-makers to get bail-out
All-new 1976 technology, ready to go!

British car makers have yesterday been promised a vital fiscal stimulus by the government. "We are desperate, and this will be a lifeline" said a spokesman from Armstrong-Siddeley, who are busy building the "Flying F" saloon for Government use. "This vital money will ensure there are not any cutbacks in the workforce. Some of our mechanics and engineers have been here over 60 years," he added.

At Sunbeam in Walton-On-The-Naze, new model development is forging ahead. We were shown pictures of the protoype "Mk.4", being developed as a replacement for the Talbot Sunbeam, incorporating all the latest developments like stainless steel ashtray and cassette player. The Works Manager, returning from a well-earned tea-break, showed us secret plans for "plastitex" leatherette seats and chromium-style window winder handles.

At the Reliant Robin factory, where the "Del-Boy van" is made, spokesman Dave Rodney showed us lines of the "Reliant 3" which they have been making quietly for 2 years. "We stopped advertising in 1975 because of the cost," he explained. "Most people don't realise we are still operating - they think we shut down in the '80's. We think there will still be a massive demand for our three-wheeler vans if we get Government money for advertising".

DeLorean, too, are developing a new model, a "back to the future 1979 winter of discontent special" which will require £3billion of taxpayers money to develop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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