The long awaited Spooflins Holiday Camp/Resort will open next week, this reporter can finally reveal.
The facility squats uncomfortably in the shadow of the giant Fawley oil refinery near Southampton, yet despite this, boasts stunning views of the Solent and the BP Distribution plant on the other side of the water.
Spooflins, the brainchild of a consortium of Spoof writers is said to be 'on a different level' to existing holiday camp type facilities.
"There'll be none of this happy crappy redcoat type stuff," a spokeswoman told us. "We will have camp stewards, but they'll all be miserable bastards who will respond to requests for information from guests with an obscene and offensive remark."
"oh yeah," another chuckled. "And the food and the accommodation will be of the worst possible standards. Salmonella and bedbugs will come as standard. We'll teach those sarcastic, fractious Spoof type people what spoofing is all about."
And the entertainment? We ventured.
"Girls Aloud and Gary Glitter!!!" a camp steward who appeared to be suffering from horrendous excema exclaimed. "I'm the camp chef, I've got filthy fingernails and I'm fuckin' lovin' it!!!"
It is broadly anticipated that sarcasm and hostility will feature prominently. Just like on the Spoof.com
"We will have competitions and stuff," Entertainments Manager Roy Turse explained. "But there won't be any prizes on offer. Just points. The winners can use the points as they see fit because they have no value whatsoever. They can stick 'em up their arses for all I care!"
CEO Mark Lowton did however commit to public safety issues by stating that Spooflins would supply free oxygen and antibiotics to customers overcome by the chemical stew omnipresent in the Fawley air.
"It's the least we can do," he said, before adding: "And don't forget that eleven new jobs is eleven new jobs, no matter how you cut it. We'll probably pay 'em not that much,if anything at all, but that isn't the point. We're bucking trends here. And that's what counts."
More as we get it.