The National Statistics Office has unearthed some hitherto unpublished facts which were released today in an effort to get away from stories about mad Islamic clerics, Jade Goody, senior bankers' bonuses, the Home Secretary's homes, extortionate train fares and how to buy a member of the House of Lords.
It was found that the most healthy people in the UK must come from Liverpool, as residents there all seem to wear tracksuits. It has yet to be established whether the Scouse habit of running away from the scene of the crime has anything to do with the state of the local population's health.
And the SFC - the Society of Fictitious Characters - has released figures which substantiate the claim that six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Further proof has been uncovered that men who are half American and Half Islamic are their own worst enemies. It seems that many of them only watched the recent Presidential inauguration to see if Mr Obama would get assassinated.
Further research from the National Statistics Office found that around Valentine's Day, should you have forgotten to buy flowers or chocolate, the best way to console your wife is to hit her over the head with your Playstation.
A spokesman for the Office said: "I appreciate that extremely fat people won't have time for these jokes as they have enough on their plate already."