David Sillyband the Foreign Minister has today admitted that the British government has a policy on torture and that this policy was effectively used in Pakistan.
At the ongoing trial of Mohammed Biriyani........ who is accused of terrorism and who in turn has accused the the Pakistanis, the Americans and the British government of torturing him, who then have accused him of lying , who he has then hit back with an accusation of defamation,.....it was revealed that British M40, M1 and trouble at Junction 45 officers had indeed been responsible for torture.
"Its true." said Witness B, also known as Officer John Lie of 13 Secret Lane, London W12, telephone 0208 999 6661
"We did indeed carry out torture"
Lawyers for Biriyani went into details during a difficult session describing exactly what that torture was.
Mohammed was taken into a dark room with a huge tv screen and repeatedly shown a video called Boycott's Best years on the Crease..a horrific collection of the best moments of forward defensive strokes by the former England cricketer. He was then subjected to at least three square meals of bland English food not to mention snacks. He was also forced to take countless taxi rides through Karachi with a London cabbie...probably worse though was when he was coerced into shagging Camilla Parker Bowels while having to listen to Charles go on about the green revolution and his thoughts on asthetic architecture.
Birtiyani is due to be released from Guantanamo Bay in five weeks,.... other parts of him will be released from Canada, Australia, USA, Finchley High Street, Jamaica, Uruguay, Italy, the Vatican,..... and on and on and on
Meanwhile Sillyband has decided he wants to rename his position as he hates foreigners and doesn't want the word Foreign anywhere in his title....Its being suggested he may be given the tag of Prime Minister instead