Written by bonzodog64
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Sunday, 15 February 2009

image for Paddle manufacturer closes Shit Creek Plant stranding billions

Today, residents of Shit Creek were dismayed to discover that the areas last, and only employer is about to go into 'liquidation'.

The 'Paddle Manufacturers' were forced into closure by a combination of cash flow problems and paradoxically, a huge run on their products as companies and individuals find themselves "up Shit Creek without a paddle!"

"It was chaos outside", says an employee who wishes to remain anonymous called Alistair Darling! "Mr Brown, the manager of the paddle manufacturer cannot be held responsible for the sudden failure of the company, though it is his fault!

"Despite huge orders from desperate individuals. Both the manager and I believe the paddles are better off in the hands of private ownership where they can be sensibly, and prudently managed in a commercial environment before they go bust and have to be bailed out by taxpayers."

A dour Scot, today exclaimed; "There will be no nationalisation of our paddle manufactures." (despite the fact that we have pumped billions into the fucker already). He went on to say that; "there is no truth in the allegation that we encouraged people to behave wrecklessly in the last decade by allowing low cost loans for boats that people couldn't afford and endorsing their decisions to throw the paddles away".

Opposition politicians are outraged that despite pumping billions of paddles into the economy, the banks are refusing to lend them to the stranding and drowning economy. They claim that paddle manufacturing has been steadily and irrevocably outsourced to the Far East, China, and India. "Now the 'shit has hit the fan', what do we do? We are now so downsized, outsourced, rationalised, and target orientated that we have lost our 'moral compasses'. How do we get home"?

It was alleged that on the day of the companies closure a dour Scot and Mr Darling were seen rearranging deckchairs just before the factory slid beneath a tidal wave of bullshit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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