Written by Gertrude Dobbs
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Monday, 11 February 2002

image for Bill and Ben Star Signs Sex Offender's Register
Bill is refusing to come out of his pot for the time being

The entertainment world was today in uproar amid claims that Bill Flobalob, one half of the seventies incomprehensible children's duo Bill and Ben, had been forced to sign the sex offender's register.

"It's true that Mr Flobablob is a convicted sex offender," said London Police spokesman Constable Plod yesterday. "Though police procedures mean I'm not at liberty to divulge the precise details of the case that was proven against him. I can, however, say that Little Weed is progressing well in her psychotherapy and is unlikely to develop a permanent limp."

Ben Flobalob, Bill's plant-pot-lurking long-time partner, was less guarded in his words. Speaking from his five bedroomed detached flowerpot deep in the Surrey green belt, he said: "Bill always had a problem. It was clear to me early on when the odd inflection he added to his lines often twisted their meaning. He would say 'Flibba-flobaloba, little weeeeed', and it would seem as though only I could detect his real meaning, which was always along the lines of what he wanted to do to little girls, usually with cucumbers and butter and a number eight mallet."

Bill Flobalob is not the only celebrity to fall foul of the sex offender's register. Just last year the popular entertainer Sooty was convicted of gross indecency whilst lurking in public toilets on Wimbledon Common. And prior to this police seized child pornography worth millions of pounds during a dawn raid of the set of Noddy.

"It's a big problem," said Constable Plod. "What better way to entice children than being a colourful, playful, puppet-like character? The sooner these people realise they have a moral duty to protect the young the better."

Bananas in Pyjamas has been pulled off air just in case.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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