Twas a journalist's dream. Today, the man with the world's largest frying pan met the woman with the world's largest Maris Piper, and the results were HOT! HOT! HOT!
Albie There, owner of the world's only six-foot frying pan met up with Yes Yes Ohmigodyess at a corporate function in the West Midlands.
Initially, the protagonists of this admittedly feeble story didn't have anything in common, apart from an overwhelmingly earth shattering sexual attraction.
So they did what irresponsible adults do and nipped out the back for a quick session of sausage sinking.
Laying in the afterglow, smoking Golden Virginal roll ups, the pair decided that they'd better come up with a good reason to explain their temporary absence.
And what better reason than the good old British chip.
Pooling their resources, the satiated couple proceeded to fry chips, which went down a bomb among corporate ass-holes, who said, and we quote:
"The chips were to die for, but we don't quite understand how they slipped the flavour of cheese and fish in there. When there was no obvious presence of cheese or fish in evidence. It's a bit like Salt 'n' Vinegar crisps really. It's bloody marvellous. A mystery, but bloody marvellous all the same."
Albie There was last seen sniffing his fingers and exhibiting an aura of contentment, as Miss Yes Yes Ohmigodyess went off in search of a packet of crackers.
"All this is bloody disgusting" said journalist Jesus Budda. "They ought to be fucking locked up."
More as we get it