Written by IainB
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Thursday, 12 February 2009

image for Bee of the Bang to be dismantled
The Bee of the Bang lit up at night

After a third injury in two years, the iconic Manchester sculpture the Bee of the Bang is to be dismantled and sold for scrap.

The sculpture looks like a frozen firework, but though impressive, current engineering technology has made this ambitious sculpture more dangerous than a night out in Salford with thirty foot long spikes falling off and skewering passers by.

Nothing has been done about the sculpture up until now as the edifice sits outside Manchester City's Eastlands stadium, and Manchester City Council are mainly Manchester United fans. However, after a recent derby at the ground when one Manchester United fan received a shock on hearing the clang of metal strike asphalt, the council decided it was time to act.

"It's a danger to public health," said Councillor Martian Carnivore. "We cannot have innocent Manchester United fans worried about being turned into a donner kebab. It was okay when it was fans of other clubs, but what happens if it was to hit Ronaldo's new car? He's only just got it."

In the current economic climate, it is estimated that the scrap value of the erection would be enough to finish the Metrolink extension to Droylsden.

"When the congestion charge was rebuffed," said Carnivore, with just a hint of bitterness, "we said we'd have to come up with alternatives. This is it."

It is expected that the sculpture will be replaced by a traffic cone.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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