Written by chris whewell
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Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Residents of Kent were up in arms last night as the latest news on the proposed "Gateway to the South" installation art project became clear.

In an attempt to compete with the rusty half-man-half-glider statue (situated just off the A1, somewhere up in the frozen far north of Britain), the British Arts Council has commissioned a southern rival.

Travellers on Eurostar emerging from the Channel Tunnel will be left blinking, not due to their eye's adjustment to daylight but from the sight of a two-hundred foot high representation of a pair of "Ladies of the Night".

The epoxy resin coated "brass" structure will prepare travellers for their arrival in London's Kings Cross area, where on-street prostitution is rife.

One of the "Brasses", wearing hot pants and a skimpy top, will be bent over in a provocative pose, exposing all but the vulva. The other, hand on hip, is portrayed swinging her handbag, a cigarette hanging louchely from her crimson-painted lips.

The original design was believed to be a statue of a horse, but it was felt that such a structure would be confusing, in that people would believe that it suggested that England was, in the Cockney Rhyming Slang vernacular, "A Bit Pony".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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