Written by Sandancer
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Topics: Art, Horse, Statue, white

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

image for Horse Statue is a Load of Manure
"Load of shit," says horse.

Residents have expressed fears that they may be dumped on from a great height by a giant horse statue - dubbed the 'Angel of the South' - planned for erection in Ebbsfleet, Kent.

A local community group, led by Amrelie Thrick, has so far gathered seven signatures, including those of her six children, calling for planners to map out the 50 metre horse's sanitary arrangements.

"They're calling it an Angel, but they only look down on you, they don't s**t on you!" says Mrs Thrick, of Man Yoor Crescent, Ebbsfleet. "I mean, you've seen what a normal horse can produce, so imagine what will come out of this thing."

Intended as a symbol of the new town soon to be built near Ebbsfleet, the huge white horse is set to to become a visitor attraction, although Mrs Bright claims that sightseers will have to keep a safe distance from its hind quarters unless they wish to go home covered in fresh horse droppings.

"I've never heard such a load of manure in my life," says Cllr R. E. King of Shite ward on Kent County Council. "Horse droppings are among the most inoffensive of all animal excrements and it will really help to keep the site looking like part of the Garden of England."

It is hoped that the Angel of the South will repeat the economic and tourism success brought by its North East counterpart, although a spokesperson for Gateshead Council, once she'd stopped laughing, commented:

"The posterior of our own statue is modelled on its creator, Anthony Gormley, and I can assure all our visitors it has never shit on anyone. Well, except a few Sunderland fans, but that was funny."

To pacify the concerns of Ebbsfleet residents, one opposition councillor, Hugh Blunder, has proposed a giant 'poop shoot' leading from the horse's anus to the Thames, from where it would be carried up river to the Houses of Parliament. "They're so full of shit there, they won't notice a bit more," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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