Written by Roy Turse
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Topics: Drugs, Medical, Horse, Ecstacy

Monday, 9 February 2009

image for Ecstacy v Horse Riding
Artists impression of the experiment

Doctor Trevalian Numptee, chairman of the Advisory Board for the Classification of Drugs (ABCD), attempted to prove his point today concerning his suggestion that taking the drug ecstasy is no more dangerous than riding a horse. He rode an eighteen-hand stallion Shirehorse called Atlas into a packed R&B Club in Billericay killing three revellers and injuring at least twenty-seven others. None of the victims showed signs of Ecstacy use.

Patrons of the Club struggled to escape the rampaging 900Kg horse, and many of the injuries were caused by the crush. Doctor Numptee was arrested at the scene and charged with administering a banned class A drug to a farm animal in addition to causing death by dangerous riding.

Doctor Numptee's colleagues at the ABCD said later that the test was not conclusive because horse riding and Ecstasy were both involved, making the stunt doubly dangerous.

By the time Doctor Numptee had woken up and realised the whole incident was a drug-induced dream it was too late to alter his report to reflect his imagined experiences. It turned out he wasn't even chairman of the ABCD, and that the ABCD didn't even exist, thus reinforcing the idea that drugs were a menace. Well, more than horse riding anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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