Written by Rich Cottee
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Monday, 9 February 2009

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cows

Gordon Brown Today announced that the planned Bovine Release Tax Bill will be put on hold til both the financial and meteorological climates change.

The Bill, which was expected to become Law on the 5th February this year, has been shelved in order to relieve the pressure on Bovines, and their owners, and in attempt to counteract the chaos of the past two weeks weather.

Under the new Bill,the owners of Britains 12 million cattle are liable for duty on any methane release of their cattle. With the planned tax rates at 5 pence per litre released, and the average bovine releasing 400 litres of the gas a day, it would have meant extra Government income of nearly £88 billion per annum.

Rt Hon Hilary Benn , Secretary of State for Environment,Food,and Rural Affairs, stated that "the move is not a "U-turn " but a short term measure to enable the current cold climate to be offset by unhindered release of methane to aid global warming , and which has cost the country billions in just a few days"

National Farmers Union spokesperson Dai Davies stated " We welcome this move , as our members were going to be forced to adopt the illegal but popular act of bovine plugging, a practice which makes the herding of the cows a lot harder , and a 10% loss in herd numbers due to explosion, but which is a cost effective tax evasion trick "

Lord Hunt , Minister of State," We at the Bovine Hunt Society greatly welcome this stay , as the national trend of bovine plugging has made the sport of cow hunting more and more difficult. When the Beagles finally bite into the bovine flesh , both animals spontaneously combust. It is a travesty that so many beagles are lost just doing what comes naturally, cow hunting".

Rt Hon Hilary Benn, summed up, " This is a temporary measure , we will be monitoring the situation closely, as an added measure when the Bill is in force there will be an ammendment with regard to the illegal posession of Cow Butt plugs , and appropriate sentences imposed"

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