Written by Remi Moses

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Topics: Trains, Railway

Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for UK Rail Companies Give Up, Wither and Die
...chuff, chuff, hoot...missed it....

All 25 UK Rail Franchises today jacked it in, after an unprecedented all-night meeting held in their headquarters, in an solid gold railwaycarriage in a siding just outside London's Kings Cross station.

The following statement was nailed to the door of the Department for Transport, for passers by to read :

"UK Railways are a highly competitive market, we do our best and it's not fair that people whine so much - we do our best. Following criticisms after delays caused by weather, livestock, ineptitude, racism, the economic crisis, insects, syntax and hooky petrol, we are all just going to stop. You can stick your services."

Since privatisation, UK railways have been subsidised by the UK taxpayer to the tune of £400 billion. Total profits made by rail companies over the same period have been £395 billion, and investment has totalled £2.51 over the same period, spent on painting a train green, to symbolise a new environmental era in transport.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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