In the midst of the worst weather for twenty years, the Middle England Water Board has announced that from next Friday a hosepipe ban will come into effect. The ban will cover most of Southern England and will be applied retrospectively, so that anyone known to have broken the ban's rules in the last six months will be liable for prosecution.
Chief Executive Walter Hoarding said the ban was required to deal with "unprecedented shortages" brought about by "unexpected climate conditions".
"We thought we had stored sufficient water," he said, "but it's gone all lumpy and hard."
In response, consumer protection watchdog Ofwat released a statement saying that whilst they understood the problem, wasn't it just a matter of waiting a bit until the water retained its usual consistency?
Mr Hoarding declined to comment, prompting Ofwat to suggest that water-boarding might be a suitable treatment for him.