Written by Jon Hollander
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Topics: Parliament, Snow

Friday, 6 February 2009

Snow hit number ten for the first time since the winter of 1943 at midday today. The surprise result was published by watchdog BFAPAS, the British Fear And Phobia And Spookyness group.

"I received a phone call from head office at 11:30 this morning," a source at BFAPAS told us. "At first I couldn't believe it, but I checked the statistics and it was true. The people of Britain think snow is the tenth scariest thing in the world, something which has not been the case since mid-way through World War II."

Some are happy to finally see snow back in the top ten list, but others are less than pleased, like Bono from U2.

"It's been Fu**ing snowing for what, a fu**ing week? And everyone is jumping on the fu**ing bandwagon and being scared of fu**ing snow. Global warming has been pushed to number 14 and we're all going to fu**ing suffer for it."

This recent alteration is the first time a weather condition has entered the list since 1996 when tornadoes enjoyed a brief stint at number 3, prompted by the release of the film Twister. How long snow will remain at number ten is hard to say, but experts have been quoted as saying "maybe Monday?"

The list as of 12:00 Feb06 2009:

  1. Profanity
  2. A dog that you think is your dog and then it turns round and its got a crocodile's face and it bites you
  3. The girl from 'The Ring'
  4. A baby that sings "you're going to die" repeatedly
  5. Foreigners
  6. Global recession
  7. Spiders
  8. Axe/hammer murderers
  9. Scary monsters/Super creeps
  10. Snow

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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