Written by Roy Turse
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Thursday, 5 February 2009

image for Highways Agency Reveals Solution To Black Ice
Black ice? Not any more.

At a press conference earlier today, the Highways Agency announced the latest weapon in their fight against dangerous black ice on the nation's roads. It follows several days of widespread criticism of their failure to deal with the traffic chaos caused by the recent snow, and some have labelled the event a face-saving exercise.

The spokesperson for the Agency outlined their idea, which is designed to identify patches of black ice and allow them to be avoided. "It works by creating a chromatic contrast between the underlying surface and the black ice layer," he stated, "and this is achieved using a pigment-infused coating which is applied prior to the black ice event."

Asked if that meant painting the road white so that the black ice would show up, he replied "Yes."

After a few seconds of stunned silence, one reporter asked what the effect of the new coating would be with snow and ordinary white ice. The spokesperson responded with: "I think we have to deal with one problem at a time", and then quickly concluded: "Actually, did I say white? I meant orange."

The press conference was then hastily adjourned, but not before the spokesperson had refuted claims that the idea was simply a way to try to divert attention away from the Agency's failings. "Nobody can accuse us of a whitewash." he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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