Written by The Red Menace
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Topics: Weather, Transport, Chaos

Thursday, 5 February 2009

image for Mild breeze causes UK chaos

Most of the UK ground to a halt yesterday when a mild breeze caused gridlock on the transport system, forcing schools and businesses to shut.

The Met Office says that it had issued a warning of a low to moderate breeze, but some sources say that came too late.

"We just were not prepared" said a spokesperson for London Transport, who's tube service had to be suspended. "One minute the weather was fine, the next there was a suggestion of a breeze. We had no choice but to shut down the service until the full extent of the situation could be assessed.

One motorist described the chaos on the M5 as the mild breeze struck:

"The road was clear and traffic was moving freely, then a small leaf slowly drifted across the hard shoulder and it all ground to a halt."

Both the AA and RAC confirmed that a small leaf blowing around a motorway could have caused untold minor irritation and the use of windscreen wipers to remove it.

"We urge people not to travel unless their journey is really necessary", they said.

The CBI estimates that the loss of revenue to the UK caused by the breeze chaos could run into billions and chastised workers for not making the effort to get into work. "This loss of revenue is appalling" a member said, "almost as bad as the amount that that big business cost the country through exploiting tax loopholes."

Prime Minister Gordon Brown denied that the problems were down to a gradual running down of the nations infrastructure, and a lack of funding to councils to deal with the problem, and instead blamed climate change.

Speaking at a press conference, where he announced a massive expansion in the UKs airports, he said "This is a sure sign of a dangers of global warming, unless we act now, we can expect more mild, and not unpleasant, breezes in the future".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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