Written by Skoob1999
Print this
Topics: Fashion, hats

Thursday, 5 February 2009

image for Hats Are The Next Big Thing Says Hat Manufacturer
The Willie Wonka Hat - A Gay Favourite

In these recession hit, snowbound, icebound, eggbound days, at last a hint of an economic revival.

Milliner (hatmaker - origin from Milanese fancy goods supplier) Charlie Titfer of East London announced that his business was positively booming as demand for hats went through the roof.

Hats were a 'must have' fashion accessory in the thirties and forties, yet with the exception of cold weather 'events' hats have become somewhat redundant.

Until now.

"People can't afford foreign holidays these days, what with the weak pound and the economic downturn," Mr Titfer told us."But they can afford to buy a hat. And they're coming out in droves to buy hats. And I'm loving it. I've taken on Italian and Portuguese hatmakers to keep up with demand. The unions don't like it much, but hey, fuck them."

So what kind of person is buying what style of hat?

  • Baseball caps are very popular with chavs, neds, and wannabe rappers.
  • Bowlers are enjoying something of a resurgence amongst city bankers.
  • Berets are as popular as ever among the French.
  • Deerstalker orders are in great demand from the crime and detection business.
  • Ten Gallon hats remain popular in Texas, as this is the only type of hat that the big-headed bleeders can fit on their big heads.
  • Daft hats, shaped like chandeliers, kitchen tables, hotel bars, and stuff like that remain popular amongst Royal Ascot regulars.
  • Flat caps remain a northern favourite, as do Tam O'Shanters in Scotland.
  • Fedoras represent the ultimate in London chic.
  • Pork Pie hats remain a New York fixture.

I think that hats are a good thing. They look nice and they keep your brain warm. Russian hats are nice, as are Bearskins, but the personal favourite of mine is the bob cap.

Hats off to hats, we say!

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

6 25 8 22
76 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more