Written by Pointer
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Topics: Language, apostrophe

Sunday, 1 February 2009

image for Birmingham Hates! The Apostrophe
Lord Scan denounces the wasteful apostrophe

The ever staid and formal folk of John Bulls Island have never been big fans of the apostrophe. Similes, metaphors even synedoche and metanome have been among the favorite figures of speech of Britishers, but the apostrophe was simply never their cup of tea.

Grammarian and rhetorician Lord Parse N. Scan of the University of Birhmingham told me in a dark and quiet corner of my padded cell:

"We just prefer a more tranquil way of expressing ourselves when using the Queens English. All that hubbub with the exclamations may fit the eye-talians or other more emotive races but we, thank you very much, can say our piece without some extreme little ball and bat to make us scream like some Irish banshee. Besides do you know how much ink well save by abolishing the apostrophe!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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