Written by James Mill
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Saturday, 31 January 2009

image for Woss all this shouting? Ross thrown off bus.
Touched: Mrs Stellings anus.

Jonathan 'Rossy' Woss today sparked fresh controversy when he was thrown off a bus for making obscene phone calls.

The mischievous funny man was removed from the 23 bus taking him to BBC Television Centre after passengers complained about the disturbance.

Disgusted pensioner Agnis Mead, 76 witnessed Ross's latest prank.

"It's a fucking disgrace" she said.

"I was with my two grandchildren and they shouldn't have to listen to that filth."

This leaves the star in hot water, since Transport for London announced that Ross would be banned from all London buses for six months.

Actor and prank phone call expert Andrew Sachs was quick to comment on Ross's possible demise.

"With no way of getting to work, the lisping, shit-stirring little wanker will have to give up the show. I'm available on Fridays by the way, and I've got a freedom pass."

Bus driver Reg Plate had the enviable task of removing Mr Ross from the bus.

"I heard his call to Jeff Stelling, in which he claimed to have seen Mrs Stelling's anus. So I just slammed on the brakes and told him to either shut up or get off. I will not have the good name of any Countdown presenter besmirched on my bus. "

Nervous BBC executives are said to be in hurried talks with a number of possible replacements for Ross to take over the Friday night spot before he gets them in any more shit.

Ladbrokes are offering odds of 4-1 on 'Friday Night with Andrew Sachs' hitting our screens by mid 2009.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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