Prime Minister Gordon Brown of England, and Vice President Joseph Biden of the United States, have finally agreed to publicly apologize to the other for The Boston Tea Party party of 1773 which was actually a party after all.
Historians have been trying to unravel the Boston Tea Party mystery for centuries, but up until now were never successful. One determined historian, named Way Bak Wen, Ph.D. of Hung Way Low, China, painstakingly poured through tons of dusty university documents, and folios until he found the smoking gun, the tattered letter that has now undone history.
We had a chance to view the letter which is actually an invitation to attend a tea party on Boston Harbor on an East Indian Company vessel. The invitation was made out to Paul Revere & friend, and is on the date, and time of the actual Boston Tea Party occurrence.
When news of the find reached British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, he conceived of the idea of apologizing because many people on both sides were still harboring an excessive amount of guilt due to both sides lying to historical chroniclers at that time about the incident. The guilt, the Prime Minister believes, has carried over from the 18th century inaccuricies, and he now thinks this may be the problem behind the current war in Iraq and world inflation.
In our interview with him, Vice President Biden told us he was contacted by the British Embassy about the find and the apology, and agreed to counter-apologize after speaking with Pope Obama. Mr. Biden indicated that Boston Harbor was still stained from the bags of tea thrown overboard. When asked if he knew the Harbor had a tea-colored appearance to it, PM Brown replied: "Well, I bloody well didn't bleedin' well know it was bloody well stained after all these years."
Although Paul Revere and Samuel Adams led the group who dumped the tea into the harbor, (they were obviously tanked again), the Prime Minister felt responsible, as did VP Biden. Asked if the two would apologize while sailing on Boston Harbor to commemorate the event, PM Gordon stated, "What are you, a sodden bleedin' comedian or something. Everybody knows you can't sail in tea water."
Details of the festive occasion have not been released yet, but the activities are expected to occur within the next several weeks. Look for the East Indian Company to show up with bags of fake tea because the environmentalists would pitch a national bitch about throwing tea in the harbor that might affect Snail Darters or the rare Harbor Plankton.