Gordon Brown has revealed a startling new policy to help the British economy cope with the global economic crisis.
In a speech to the UK adult film industry the prime minister said:"In order to improve our productivity relative to international competitors I am today announcing that the British minute will be devalued from 60 seconds to 54 seconds. This will immediately render us 10% more productive than we are currently and enable us to compete in the international market place more competitively."
David Cameron reluctantly backed the plan: "We have to admit that this is fairly daring, and makes a change from giving squillions of quid to the bankers. On the plus side it will give us 10% more opportunity to have sex." He then paused and blushed, coughed and pretended to clear his throat: "I mean, it will mean that we live 10% longer and what will that do the pension bubble?"