Written by Dungeekin
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Wednesday, 28 January 2009

An outcry has broken out over security of the latest Government database, which holds the records of 11 million children in the UK.

The £224-million database, which stores the name, address, date of birth, parents details, GP and name of school for every child under 18 in the UK, is at the centre of a storm of outrage following its handover to Data Loss Services PLC, the new contractor handling the Government's Data Mismanagement Project.

It has come to light that Data Loss Services have provided access privileges to almost 400,000 users - however a significant portion of these come from the inadvertent cross-referencing of the user list with the Sex Offenders Register, meaning that the UK's registered paedophiles have full access to all the information held on it.

Derek Lostit, CEO of Data Loss Services PLC, said "we promised when we won the contract that we would reach new heights of data-insecurity, and the latest news is a stunning coup of laxity. 400,000 users now have access to 11 million records, and we're pretty certain we've ensured that nowhere near enough of them have been vetted."

Home Secretary Jacqui Beria said, "why should the Government care? We only want the information, we don't care who has access to it afterward. Report to your local Re-Education Centre, Comrade!" before ordering your Correspondent's arrest for thoughtcrime.

Leading kiddy-fiddler Gary Glitter was unavailable for comment, as he was already scouring the database.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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