Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Chavs, Holiday, vacation

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

image for CHaVs To Get Free Holidays
"Wakey Wakey, it's 3:00am!!!

In response to a TV programme 'Holidays from Heaven', budget airline, Cheezy Jet have offered Chavs free holidays - yes FREE holidays! Many destinations are in Spain, Lanzarote or Majorca and include a full week stay in a 3 star hotel complete with swimming pool and within sight of at least half a mile of the beach.

To qualify, you need to be under 21 years-old and called Kylie, Chardonnay, Bianca or Tifanny if you're a girl or Lee, Wayne or Darren if you're a boy. You need to be in possession of 3 ASBOs, one of which must be current and you need to be suitably dressed in a hoodie, shell-suit and baseball caps and laden with tons of bling. Those who have pets such as Rottweillers or Pit Bulls will be given a free pet-passport provided they (not the dog) have been examined and cleared by a vet. Any girls will be given a pram each.

Upon arrival at the destination hotel, the boys and girls will be treated to burgers, chips, Kebabs and either White Lightening cider, Bacardi Breezers or for those who don't drink, Sunny Delight. Then it's off to the disco until 2:00am. They might be in bed until 3:00pm. They will be woken and given a full English Breakfast and after lager and cigarettes, they will be taken by coach to the beach where there will be chance to take part in the 'CHaV Beach Olympics' or otherwise lounge on a Burberry beach towel and listen to their ipods in the lovely Spanish sun.

A spokesman for Alternative Adventure Holidays told In Seine News today;

"We have been approached by a TV company who are making a reality series on CHaV culture and want to follow individuals in order show the British Public what it is to be a CHaV abroad. We will be filming a no-holes-barred documentary and would expect some strong language."

"The Spanish authorities have accused us of 'ethnic cleansing', but I want to strongly deny this; it is not our fault that the TV company have only bought one-way tickets."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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