Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 25 January 2009

image for 15 Year Old Lancashire Youth Admits To Having Smoked Since The Age Of Two
Ovenchips Slackthwaite's Bedroom Window.

Hot on the heels of a Welsh woman's suspended prison sentence on charges of allowing a three year old to smoke cigarettes, which amounted to child abuse, a Lancashire youth contacted TheSpoof.com today.

Ovenchips Slackthwaite, 15, of Burnley openly bragged that he had smoked hand rolled cigarettes from the age of two, that he has inhaled all along, and astonishingly that he could roll his own from the age of three.

Slackthwaite then went on to claim that his single mother was AT NO POINT grilled by social services, or that any of his sixteen siblings had suffered as a result of their upbringing.

Although he did admit that police were frequently involved in the day to day running of the family.

"Yeah okay, I'll admit that," he told us. "But we weren't in trouble or nothing. They'd pop round for a crafty spliff, or a few beers when they were supposed to be on duty.
"Often they'd have a bunk up with Mum - she wasn't too fussy to be honest, but then neither were they."

Somewhat intrigued by the prospect of such a dissolute upbringing, we felt we had to question whether or not Ovenchips Slackthwaite was sexually experienced?"

"Oh yeah," he openly boasted. "Lost me virginity at the age of five, me."

"Who on earth to?" we asked, with no small degree of incredulity.

"Dunno really," he told us. "I were pissed drunk at ' time."

Lancashire Constabulary declined to comment on the case.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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